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I was dying today talking about my life with friends that I only have the immense love & privilege of seeing one time a year when I fly from Poland to the States to see and be with my parents and family.
Like…I was on such a roll—sometimes I don’t know how I pull myself off of the floor and actually walk around in this life-like motion at all. I should be more like Walking Dead Momma—and my kids should be GRATEFUL for that momma.
Anyhow—it totally dawned on me today that I am just a bit of drama.
You see, I thought my daughter was all of the drama.
I thought she got it from her daddy.
He is the Drama King. I made him a crown.
But today when I was recounting all of my guilt trips and psycho parenting moments with my children and my HOW DARE MY HUSBAND SAY THAT stories, my peeps…my tribe…those that will ALWAYS tell me the truth told me that I was the drama.
I literally had no clue. HERE I WAS—blaming ALL of the drama on pretty much EVERYONE else in my family.
It’s kind of like those that have problems with everyone they meet—turns out it is THEM! Yep—the ones with all of the problems.
Apparently, out of the mouth of true friends, I am that THEM.
But, please, please, please, please…let’s totally keep this a secret from my husband. I still need him to think that it is ALWAYS ALL HIS FAULT!
I need this.
It is what is best for the family, right?!
(smile smile wink wink)
Are you freaking KIDDING me?!
First I turn FORTY—as if that is NOT bad enough—and then I go to get my eyebrows waxed when the lady doesn’t seem to think that IT (turning 40) is FITTING enough–but now she must POINT OUT and ASK…
“ARE YOU ALSO HERE TO GET YOUR MUSTACHE WAXED????”
My laser eyes and deadly stare did NOTHING to hinder her from asking again, “AND YOUR MUSTACHE????”
I gasped as if I still have my 18-year-old glow and youth and not a STRAY whisker ANYWHERE on my face and answered her, “MY MUSTACHE????!!!! I don’t have a mustache!!!!!” And huffed loudly as I threw my awesome body (okay, lowered myself gently due to my aching back) onto the waxing lounge and pointed out that “I DO NOT, under any circumstances, WANT CRAZY TRENDY EYEBROWS! JUST SIMPLE WAXING…please.”
Before I got off the chair, she, DAFT AS A…???? Well, who knows what—something daft… ASKED AGAIN, “Are you sure you don’t want the mustache waxed???”
Yes, LADY! Very sure…
Or, I mean, do I have a mustache????
Go to mirror…
Squint, really, since my eyes are not the best.
Still can’t see. Turn glasses crooked on my nose so that I can see (all bi-focal style)…and re-peer.
Surely that is not a mustache, it’s simply glitter, right?!?!?! A light glistening above my upper lip????
And, so with indignance, I walk PROUDLY out of that salon…
Mustache and all.
Listen, I know the appropriate answer in ALL of our mommy lives is THAT OUR CHILDREN ARE OUR GREATEST BLESSINGS!
Therefore, Pinterest and Facebook and Instagram and LIFE itself was created (of course, exaggerating on ALL of the above) for T.H.E.M.
But when you are a mommy—you FEEL as if you MUST only be mommy.
All the time.
Because, by golly, you created THAT life—you can just as easily TAKE IT AWAY (oops—wrong tangent).
No, really…You feel this gut need to be there 24/7 plus all of those hours in between that in mommy hood REALLY DO EXIST!
I know. Because I have been a mommy for 10 and a half years. And in the years that I have been a mommy, I have had, literally just today, A TOTAL OF 2 weeks WHERE I HAVEN’T HAD A CHILD IN MY PRESENCE since my firstborn was, well, BORN. (And those words do deserve ALL CAPS)
That’s 365 x 10 plus 6 months which equals approximately 3,830 days where life has NEVER EVER EVER EVER been about a single moment of me since. Now, take away the 14 days where I have been a mommy BUT not in the presence of a single child that was mine equals 3,816 days. Forget the fact that I am Facetiming them about 2 times a day—they are not hanging on to my shirttails, so it is still deemed “free”.
Ladies—There is something utterly overwhelming about that number. And, if you’re sanctimonious, spare me the comments, because that’s a crap load of LOTS of time dedicated to little people. Enough of a load to make you go just a WEE BIT insane.
And, even though, I am suppose to be in ARIZONA with 1/3 of my little people right now, I wound up here (due to an expired passport) ALL ALONE.
At first I was like, what do I do???
At first it was like—lie in bed. Don’t feed anyone. Take a long shower. Get coffee. Sleep.
A little boring—because, after all, children do make our lives FUN!
But the more days I have been relaxing here, the more I have realized that I have needed this.
To NOT be constantly thinking about scissors and rocks and crying babies and wiping my son’s bottom to save my laundry load from streaks later…
To not be picking stuck boogers out of the littlest nostrils and convincing the oldest that it is her SWORN duty to play with the littles for ONE HOUR of the 24 WAKING HOURS she has in her day so that I can sit and stare mindlessly into a dirty house.
To not be cutting crust off of bread—whichever parent invented that method of sandwich preparation—remind me to KILL YOU LATER, because, for some reason, my children KNOW it and CAN’T eat sandwiches with crust.
To realize that my house is probably the aftermath of the storm—but I am ALONE in my bed without physically seeing the dirt and grime and toys and laundry—so I am SAFE FROM THE STORM!
And the longer I am apart from my Tasmanian devils, the more I appreciate being their mommy. It’s like that Christmas chocolate you get that you put up high to only have a piece every once in a while because you want to make it last…NOT SAYING THAT I’LL STUFF MY KIDS UP HIGH SOMEWHERE SO THEY’LL LIVE (or am I????).
Simply saying—this moment of being without kids is allowing my haggard body, soul, and mind to reboot.
So I can go back and live 24/7 for another 3,816 days—upon which they will all be out of the home and I will be SOBBING for the days of insanity.
To end…my advice for you, mommies, out there. Maybe take a break from day 3,173 and go somewhere without kids and just lie in bed, be bored, drink coffee, shower, and reboot.
It’s totally worth it.
And, don’t worry, the house will be a disaster upon your return—as if you NEVER really left in the first place. BUT OH YOUR SOUL WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!
And that truth will let you live on!
Power on, Mommy—and travel alone!!!!
Okay—I COMPLETELY understand this young lady’s Facebook video—I was pregnant three summers ago in Arizona and FELT the exact SAME pain
At my daughter’s swim lessons, I would literally stand in the spray fountain—fully clothed—and just let the water pour all over my body because I could not handle the heat.
I felt like exuding the exact same emotion you will see at the end of this video.
If you live in a desert or a place with extreme temperatures, get ready to cry from laughter and painful understanding.
If you don’t — then perhaps this will bring enlightening to your lives.
If anything—it will bring a refreshing minute to whatever moment you are in currently!
Adios for now!
I have been LONGING…literally LONGING for sanity for the last several years while my head has been spinning wildly in all directions except on.
And then it happened two days ago. I took a shower—door unlocked, of course and open, while the two littles were awake and propped in front of the TV.
The thing is…I didn’t rush. I washed my hair. Shaved my legs…both don’t normally happen in the midst of my “ARE THE KIDS TURNING ON THE OVEN AND BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE AND RUNNING WITH SCISSORS” showers that normally take place. One definitely has to go. Mostly the shaving legs. Good thing I live in Europe😉
It was amazing. And I didn’t feel stressed. I occasionally would shout out, “ARE YOU OKAY????” To which they would respond, “We’re OKAY!” And then I would enjoy the next moment of sanity…
And just as I was beginning to get nostalgic for the moments when I had to worry and live in paranoia with the “I CANT LIVE WITHOUT MOMMY” seconds that occupy my every waking moment, two littles come running in shouting, “I WANNA SHOWER WITH MOMMY!!!!!”
Clothes are stripped. Diapers are stripped. And I finish rinsing my hair just in time to hop out and throw two naked bottoms in—albeit crying naked bottoms—saying stuff like, “BUT I WANNA SHOWER WITH YOU, MOMMA!”
And as much as I enjoyed my freedom and sanity for those 5 minutes in the shower—I enjoyed hearing those words even more. Because those were the longest 5 minutes of my life—knowing that my sanity was on its way to being restored—and freedom would soon again be mine.
The freedom I have been screaming for the last many years—is on the horizon—and now I’m so sad about it.
Man it’s a crazy conundrum of nonsensical emotions that keeps me screaming, crying, laughing, hugging, or spinning.
AND I WANT THEM ALL TO STAY THE SAME…
Yet I want to shower in peace, too.
Sometimes there is clearly no winner in the mom game😉
So. My husband and I share an iCloud account. That means when he saves something, I get it===and vice versa.
Which also includes Apps. You know. Like on phones or tablets.
When he downloads an app, I get it. And I get way too many. He is always finding a new app for taking care of our money or making a calendar for a calendar or some random thing that this very tech-not-savvy woman has no idea how to use. Unless it’s text messaging or shooting a photo, pretty much count me out.
Therefore, he was REALLY impressed when he saw a new app on his phone called LIFE. He thought, “Awesome! Brooke got us an app.” And immediately he began to check it out.
It went something like this…(hilarious)
How much do you weigh?
Pounds or Kilograms?
He was thinking—awesome—maybe this is an app that will benefit me. Perhaps a workout app.
Then it asked when he was to start. He told them Monday, thinking Monday was a good day to start working out.
Then it asked when his last menstrual cycle took place…
That’s when it hit him…perhaps not all Apps should be shared.
Unless, of course, he wants to prepare to BEWARE!
Although I don’t believe any man can REALLY be prepared for that.